Manage Yourself - Mange Your Life

Not enough time, not enough energy, not enough space. Too much information, too many obligations, too many deadlines, too many obstacles. No communication, no cooperation, no consideration. Over committed, over budgeted, over the barrel. Anxiety, insecurity, confusion, despair.

Life is out of control!
Sound familiar? In our fast-paced world many people feel this way at one time or another. But if you feel this way most of the time, it can be a stressful way to live.
Many books offer tips and suggestions for efficient time management, which are helpful and necessary. But often it's an underlying attitude that sets the cycle of chaos in motion. Unless we correct our attitude, we will just be running around frantically trying to plug up the leaks in the dam. If you want to better manage your life, you first have to learn how to manage yourself. We need a different attitude and a different approach.
There are two approaches that set the scene for turmoil. We are trying to control other people, places and things or we are trying to control other people places and things. Yes, I wrote that twice. That's because there are two methods we use to control. One is easily recognizable. It goes something like this. "If everyone would just do things my way, everything would be fine."
We tell others what they should do and explain to them why they should be thrilled to do it the way we say. After all, it's for their own good. We plan every activity out in detail so nothing will go wrong, and when something or someone doesn't proceed according to our script, we become angry. We can't understand why others can't do what they are told or why they would just ignore us. We become self righteous. After all, we spent our time and effort going beyond the call of duty to prepare a failsafe plan of action that everyone can follow.
If everyone would have just adhered to our plan, things would have worked out. So of course this disaster couldn't be our fault. It must be the government's fault, or the unemployed folks' fault, or the barking dog's fault, or perhaps it's your fault. We try to anticipate every possible obstacle, every possible betrayal, every possible nuance, and every possible situation in which someone or something may disrupt our strategy, whether it's by being irresponsible, ignorant, or just difficult. And when one domino falls in a way we didn't anticipate.... we're completely undone because we have no plan for that. That wasn't supposed to happen. And besides, the moron should have known better. We told them what to do, after all.
Now sometimes we justify our incessant need to control by identifying it as setting goals and being prepared. We may even construe it as visualizing the specifics toward our desired manifestation.

But in reality, we are reacting out of fear.
Fear that things won't turn out the way we want. Fear that we won't succeed. Fear that we won't know how to respond in a new situation. Fear that others will sabotage us. Fear that others are incompetent. Fear that the Universe won't get it right. And fear is the ultimate enemy of success, relationships, health, joy and the freedom to have a fulfilling life.
Now we move on to control under cover. It's more difficult to recognize but it's also more stressful. We try to be perfect. We try to be agreeable. We rationalize and justify when we fall short. We try to meet everyone's expectations and fabricate excuses or apologize profusely when we find it impossible to do so. We avoid conflict and shrink from making requests. Instead we drop hints, withdraw or use some other form of manipulation in the hopes that others will give in, feel guilty, read our mind or come to our rescue.
We fool ourselves into believing we are being selfless by giving in to others. Or we tell ourselves that what we wanted wasn't that important, or that we can handle the disappointment, the inconsiderate treatment, etc. Often we believe that others don't value us or our opinions and feelings. We think people are taking advantage of our good nature. We don't risk doing anything unless we're certain we will perform with excellence and beyond reproach.
We can't say no because we don't want others to think poorly of us. We don't follow our dreams because we feel compelled to meet the expectations of others. We don't pursue our passions because we might embarrass others or ourselves. We fear being ridiculed and believe we will crumble if we are criticized. The result is that we feel used and discounted.
We can't stand the disappointment of losing but we also don't want others to be angry with us or feel resentful if we win, so we avoid the situation altogether.
Why? We are afraid.

Afraid others will get angry and get back at us. Afraid we're not good enough. Afraid we aren't important. Afraid others will ridicule or discount what we have to say. Afraid we might fail if we tried. Afraid to live life and afraid to express who we are.
These may be the extremes. But most of us, if we are honest can see one or two tendencies that are familiar. Fear is the motivation for control, whether it is overt control or manipulative and avoidant.

To gain a sense of order in our lives, we first must admit that we are afraid, something that we would all prefer to deny. Then we must accept that we typically cannot eliminate the cause of our fear. Something we really don't like. But fear won't kill us and fear itself doesn't have to affect our lives in a negative way. It is our reaction and our attempt to resist the sensation of fear that produces our spiritual and psychological suffering. There is no easy three step action plan to eliminate fear. Believe me I would have found it long ago.
However, there are ways to walk through the fear. And it's usually less painful that we had imagined.

The first step is to admit and acknowledge that the fear is there. You don't necessarily have to do this out loud and publicly. But surprisingly, I have often found that people are not at all judgmental when I do openly admit to feeling afraid. They actually seemed relieved to know that others feel the same way they do. Plus it does away with the stress of pretending to be cool, calm and collected when my knees are shaking and perspiration is streaming down my brow.

Realize that no matter how detailed your plan may be, life is unpredictable, people are unpredictable and even the most rigidly organized among us is at times, unpredictable. We cannot control what people do, no matter how convincing we are, nor can we control how others will feel about us no matter how agreeable we are.
The energy I spent in the past, trying to control people places and things so I wouldn't feel vulnerable, I now redirect into responding creatively to the situations that do arise, not the ones that could. Often I find that by being flexible, I am able to see and act on an opportunity in an unexpected situation. Ironically, the result is more satisfying than anything I could have orchestrated in my most detailed and researched plan. And what a nice surprise that can be.

Being flexible and having the ability to be spontaneous does not negate the need for preparedness. Not being sufficiently prepared is a sure fire way to put your anxiety level into orbit. Being prepared is not the same thing as control. Preparation means, being knowledgeable about the situation or topic, practiced in any necessary skills, and being up to date on any relevant information.
The most important step that we can take to let go of control and manage our life is to work on ourselves. Inner growth is the most important strategy we have to eliminating the feeling of being out of control. It is a strategy that we must continue for our lifetime, if we are to enjoy continued growth and success.
No matter what kind of external success we may accumulate, if our insides are a mess, the successes quickly lose their significance. You can fix up a lemon of a car on the outside. It may look good and you may get a lot of compliments, but the ride won't be much fun and it won't get you very far.
Get spiritually connected, whatever that means for you. Practice integrity and consistency. Integrity takes care of any fear of being found out for a secret transgression and helps increase self-worth. A healthy sense of self worth always tends to make fear less debilitating. And consistency eases communication and strengthens relationships because others know what to expect from you.

But the bottom line is that we cannot avoid coming face to face with fear occasionally. Instead of letting fear consume you, take a step back and observe the fear and observe yourself, too. That process of switching from a subjective to an objective perspective often eases the intensity of the emotional response and minimizes negative self judgments. Remember, you are not your feelings. Your feelings do not define who you are or your measure as an individual and they do not have to control your behavior.
It's how you respond and interact with your feelings that helps shape your character.
Our feelings are simply vibrations that move through us and produce sensations. Our fears give us information about ourselves if we can just stop and observe them. Information that can, if we chose to use it, enable us to grow, expand and enjoy a more satisfying life. When we try to avoid fear, we spend time and energy trying to control external conditions, which is a war we cannot win. We can put that energy to better use. It is not necessary to be fearless to take action. It just takes the willingness to walk through the fear.
If we want to improve how we manage our life, we must let go of the compulsion to control, whatever form it takes.

To manage our lives we must learn to manage ourselves.
We can recognize which of our behaviors are controlling by identifying the motivation behind our actions. Control is typically motivated by fear in some form. We are often unaware of this or chose to ignore it. But the result is the same. The harder we try to control circumstances on the outside, the more out of control we eventually feel on the inside. Fear may be an uncomfortable sensation. Just like a headache or a sore muscle can be an uncomfortable physical sensation. We may prefer not to feel the discomfort of a headache or sore muscle but we seldom deny or run from them. What would be the point?
You cannot escape yourself.

Accept that you are experiencing fear, but keep moving toward your goals and in alignment with your values and priorities. Then pat yourself on the back.
The most courageous people were afraid. Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is taking action in the face of fear. And that is the greater accomplishment.
Lauren Kennedy is passionate about her work. She has devoted years to exploring, researching and creating methods designed to help others achieve their dreams.Her article show innovation and insight that is rarely seen. Lauren also offers Life and Spiritual Coaching. Her compassion, intuitive insights and vast and varied experiences produces magical results as she guides and supports others in transforming their lives and connecting to their own inner magnificence.

Lauren Kennedy has a website that offers information and support. The website has products, e-course, CD's, and coaching services available to support you in your journey through life. She is always eager to communicate with anyone in need of support.
You can visit her website, participate in her blog or e-mail her.

http://www.Lauren-Kennedy.comInsite to ExcellenceFree e-course: http://www.Lauren-Kennedy.com/ns-powercourse.htmlemail: lauren@lauren-kennedy.com
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Personal Ethics and Life

Oddly enough this page continues to grow in viewership and ranks as one of the highest viewed pages on this website. I'm impressed with the growing concern for ethics at this time. This paper was originally written for Leadership 520 - Organizational Ethics, while enrolled in the Master of Arts in Organizational Management program at the University of Phoenix in Arizona. It is a personal sharing and story of that time and personal space in my life. At the risk of appearing overly self-indulgent I have posted it here, making a few edits and including additional links below for further exploration. At worst, I hope this piece provides some encouragement for your own efforts. Thanks and blessings on your own journey...
Personal conviction and ethics statement: I will to do good for all, desiring to serve humanity in the highest and best use of my mind/body/spirit complex, in the facilitation of a new world order of harmony among people and planet through presenting alternative solutions to community service delivery, participating in local socio-economic and environmental service programs, development of a solutions-based state-of-the-art model community, and developing a website that promotes these endeavors.
It has been said that values, morals and ethics are inextricably tied together. Values are what we learn from childhood; the 'stuff' we absorb from our parents and immediate surroundings. Morals are the intrinsic beliefs developed from the value systems of how we 'should' behave in any given situation. Ethics, on the other hand, are how we actually do behave in the face of difficult situations that test our moral fiber. In his book, "How Good People Make Tough Choices," Rushworth Kidder notes four basic paradigms of ethical decisions: justice versus mercy; short-term versus long-term; individual versus community; and truth versus loyalty. He goes on to define the concepts further:
• The point behind the justice-versus-mercy paradigm is that fairness, equity, and even-handed application of the law often conflict with compassion, empathy, and love.
• Short-term versus long-term, or now versus then, reflect the difficulties arising when immediate needs or desires run counter to future goals or prospects.
• The individual-versus-community paradigm can be restated as us versus them, self versus others, or the smaller versus the larger group.
• Truth versus loyalty can be seen as honesty or integrity versus commitment, responsibility, or promise-keeping.
Expressing one’s personal grasp of ethics and life may not always be understood in the context of the world at large, the immediate environment, or even amongst the intimate others in the household. This is usually due to the fact that every person has some difference, small or great, in the development of their belief systems. Belief systems are established early in life through environments of home, church, school, and social gatherings which help to mold and shape these beliefs. Most of these beliefs and patterns of behavior are established through the unconscious observations and experiences of childhood in the aforementioned environments. These I refer to as ‘outer’ experiences which are akin to the 'nurture' piece of the 'nature-nurture' developmental processes. Allow me to use my own 'outer' experience as an example.
I knew that I was adopted by the time I was five. My adoptive parents were ideal by some standards, demonstrating honesty, integrity, and willingness to address conflict with style and grace even in the most difficult of situations. Dad was a tool and die machinist, building plastic injection molds for General Motors optical division and was also a 32nd Degree Mason. Mom was an educator with a master's degree in Music and English and taught middle school English and Literature. They were a formidable team for an adolescent with growing pains, encouraging me to challenge and explore my world. My parents taught me that honesty was the best policy, even when the details may not be too favorable. They taught me the meaning of trust which was not being afraid even when I felt vulnerable. Of course that does not mean that I am able to apply that knowledge always, although age does have its advantages. Where obvious bottlenecks occur in personal and professional environments I still tend to 'go deep' in conversations even at the risk of rejection. Paths need to be cleared of trash for solid relationships to develop.
I also began having metaphysical, or paranormal, experiences around my 6th birthday. I refer to these as ‘inner’ experiences, or what I feel akin to the 'nature' element of the developmental processes. Our intrinsic functionality in society stems from this place, although it is the 'outer' details that generally rule the scene. For most, the internal experience is often ignored because of the lack of external acceptance or validation. There was a disparity with my parents due to the lack of a frame of reference regarding my metaphysical meanderings which often caused me to question my own reality, by the way. 'Trust but verify' builds reliance on others and it is rare that one can find other psychic constituents in the workplace or in life for that matter.
Consequently, the balance toward trusting others was often weighted by desire rather than discernment. The discernment came later as I began to understand that not all people were like my parents. Even they kept their distance in discussing certain spiritual experiences or subjects. The lack of personal experience often creates barriers that are difficult to bridge, if at all. In fact, I found that disbelief and skepticism were more prominent than ever. People were often afraid of what they did not understand and sometimes allowed that fear to provoke unnecessary violence. Fear stimulates a plethora of disconnecting responses. I had learned that life was stimulated by connectedness so this presented a great enigma. How can one close this gap, at times a chasm, so that it can be reconciled or resolved?
Others’ motives were not always utilitarian. Heck, mine weren't always either. We all have some selfish motivations from time to time. Some live their lives by those motivations. The resulting actions were often misplaced personal libertarian expressions of selfishness without regard to personal boundaries and affects on the environment, fueled by the presence of plethora of distractions from what is 'healthy or prudent' to what works for now or provides the most personal benefit. Honesty and integrity show up in the leaders who are willing to bear the cross, so to speak, of clearing the path to success of its garbage.
This process of restoring integrity (the congruence of values, ethics, and morals) can have emotionally devastating affects if one allows the projections of others to rule their lives. People with problems most often will project those problems onto others until someone or something presents a situation that challenges the person to change and provides a safe environment for them to do so. There are others who seem to attract these situations, usually because they have committed themselves to service in some way. The strength of character is reflective of the trials and tribulations one has addressed in their life and empowered by their ability to ascend from emotional manipulation and/or trickery. The proverbial look in the mirror allows us to see what we need to transcend, even in ourselves.
As I got older I learned that the inner life I was leading provided more concrete understanding of the nature of the outer reality and the actions of others. I read profusely for a time, gobbling up the great works of secular and spiritual masters to glean better understanding of my own experiences and to grow personally and professionally. Putting myself in the hot seat at seminars and workshops tested what I learned and tempered my sword of truth over time. I learned over the years that questions asked internally with sincerity are answered in a variety of ways, not always in the moment they are asked. We all still have to deal with human emotions and the occasional absurdity of the actions emotions precipitate. Whether exposing options changed those actions or not varied from situation to situation depending on my ability to question congruency, the awareness of connectivity, and framing the emotional feelings and sensations verbally so that we could discuss them. Articulation without projection is a most challenging process. Most 'first responses' in chelas on the path are projective in nature, often defensive and full of irrationalities. The challenge to change still presents itself as I get older and more experienced with introducing interrogatives that do not put people on edge, although sometimes its fun to watch them squirm. However, insecurity is rampant in our society and even the most innocuous questions too often produce defensive postures. Fear, guilt and shame have ruled our lives for too long.
In my teens the greatest influence came through the Order of DeMolay, which is sort of a young men's (14-21) Christian-based precursor to the Masonic Order. It was named after Jaques DeMolay, a Knights Templar, who gave up his life rather than betray his brethren during the Crusades in Europe. I was elected Master Councilor at fifteen and at 17, competed at the state Conclave through a speech on filial love and in one-meter springboard diving, achieving an honorable mention for the speech and third place in diving. Receiving the International DeMolay Medal for Saving a Human Life was another significant emotional event at the Conclave. I had been quick to respond to an event at the public pool where I was a lifeguard the previous summer. I reached an unconscious young girl just after being struck by another diver, having perceived the outcome and entering the water before the actual event. Her parents pursued the newspaper and recognition of my attentiveness. I was just fortunate to have been watching and able to act on the event. Our Chapter Dad submitted the paperwork to the International Council without my awareness. Saving the life of another is a personal blessing for which there is truly no verbal or written example of the heart-felt response. I chose not to pursue the path of Free Masonry, although I honor its foundation of personal service toward the highest good of all.
I learned the value of teamwork in school through clubs, group projects and sports and individual participation in support of the team through baseball, golf (medallist my senior year), and track. The competitive spirit was alive within me, yet it was not a 'win-at-all-cost' attitude by any means. I had a lot of natural academic talent and physical ability that I took for granted. I realized later in life that my knack for accomplishment stemmed from simply not knowing what I could not do. I missed opportunities because I chose to clutter my head with drugs late in high school and early in college. In time I learned to be genuine with my affection and my attention; being cautious and sensitive in matters of the heart and a bit bold in exploring life's opportunities. According to many authorities relationships should be more caring and considerate as we mature. Much later, my involvement in education and child development (divorced w/four children and an unfulfilled desire to be near them) demonstrated that the 'norm' during those years is quite 'me-centered' and emotional maturity comes later for most, if at all. I'm sure my behavior was quite indicative of a teenager, yet in the quieter moments my thoughts ran very deep.
I graduated 10th in my class of 300 and had no idea at the time that I could have been valedictorian had I put just a little effort toward excelling in academics. My classroom pranks brought my average down as well, having met the challenge of classmates without thinking of personal outcome. Teachers' kids/preachers' kids... not much difference. I got caught up in 'wanting to be liked' and did some inappropriate things. Academic and athletic abilities came naturally, yet my appreciation for them was diminished by my exploration into pot and hallucinogens. The drugs served two things - emotional escape and surprisingly a way to find a deeper connection with life - a paradox that seems to be prevalent in progressive lifestyles. Still some do not understand this path is only short-lived, a mere stepping stone on the way to enlightenment and not a destination by any stretch of the imagination. Unfortunately many get caught in the quagmire and never return to reality. Many more have moved on to greater accomplishments. I still find that I let secondary priorities affect my efforts to follow my true passions in life, which I sense is the norm for most of us. Daily living offers the chance of many opportunities which call for the ethical and moral considerations for self and others before acting on those choices.
My second quarter in college started off with a real bang. I’d been dating a girl since my sophomore year in high school; ‘breaking up’ with her upon entering college because I was not sure I would be able to maintain monogamy. The first quarter brought some heavy emotional days of missing her so during quarter break I went back to ask her to marry me. I lost it after I found out she was already married, nearly a month prior. I was an emotional basket case for a long time afterward. My heart sunk in devastation and I returned to school determined to give my life to something with meaning. In respect of this I knelt in prayer and asked 'Father' to know truth and was willing to die for it if necessary. It was the most intense prayer I’d ever made. A week later, while in meditation listening to 'In the Morning Day' on Journey’s first album, I heard a voice immediately after the lyrics of the song. It said, “Bruce, are you willing to die for what you believe in?” I paused for a moment, checking my beliefs (Christ in an 'expanded' view), and replied, “Yes.” Immediately I felt a tugging on my inner being. I let go and turned to see my body as I was moving away from it. O.B.Es were not unfamiliar, as I’d been having them since childhood. When I turned back to look where I was going, I was engulfed by white light.
I was only missing tactile sensations inside the light and as an impetuous teen, I asked if there was more. I felt another sensation of movement and found myself in the center of a sphere of pinpoints of light. After recognizing them as points of consciousness, whether in body or not I was not sure as I sure as heck was not, the voice resumed. “These are those that you are to work with in order to facilitate the new world order. … trust and allow.” At the completion, I returned to my body with a rush of energy followed by a gasp for air, leaving my eyes closed temporarily while getting reacquainted with my body. Returning to my body was in itself a significant emotional event, let alone the previous few moments. I felt my question was answered and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, consequently told my parents, and found myself talking with a psychiatrist a week later. To this day I still seek answers to the questions remaining from this experience. A blessing in disguise, my tenure with the psychologist helped me to begin to balance my inner and outer experiences, and to find order in my life. I saw him twice before he reflected his findings to me.
After a brief conversation on my third visit, where he revealed that he believed I was not crazy by any stretch of the imagination. He said that I was going through a 'spiritual awakening' of classic nature, only that it usually happened when folks were in their 40's. He asked me to follow him and we adjourned to the second story of his office in a beautiful historic home in Anderson, Indiana. This resulted in my first tarot card reading, which edified all we had discussed and more. I was ecstatic and intimidated by the 'truth' this session revealed. His advice was to keep my mouth shut because few would understand, especially my adoptive parents who just could not relate to a spiritual awakening instead of a psychologically skewed son for whom they cared dearly and were frightened for his life. At the time I did not know that schizophrenia ran in my mother's family and fueled their fears. In time the psychiatrist said I would find 'flow' (congruency) with my experience and the world.
So, I learned that there was much more beyond my understanding of ‘truth’ and it seemed to be leaning toward being everywhere I looked. It took a couple of decades or so to get the picture focused a little bit better, through a starting a family, a cross-country move landing in Phoenix, Arizona, and a professional career that took me into many different industries. Metaphysical experiences were even more profound during this period and I feel they even helped to drive a wedge between my wife and I, eventually resulting in our divorce after 12 years of being together and birthing four beautiful children. Releasing emotional attachment to that whole scenario was the most difficult experience I've had, yet the essence of it has guided my life continually. I know that all things are connected, we just need to understand how and that emotional attachments are vastly different from 'connections.'
I had and still have many questions regarding this supposed 'mission' I have been given.How was this ‘facilitation of a new world order’ all going to come to fruition? What are the ethical and moral considerations for engaging others? My professional background has become fairly extensive yet pales in comparison to those I hold as icons and leaders in various professional fields. As professional opportunities presented themselves, I began to conceptualize an environment that would demonstrate leading edge technologies in all fields and how they would work together in harmony with people and planet. It had to include every best practice and element of a global community on a micro-community scale. Eventually the plan began to develop with enough detail that I could at least write an overview of the project, eventually becoming Genesis II.
Some years later I met with Carl Bimson, a 91 year-old founder of a bank in Arizona, to share our Genesis II plan. He still had an office in the Valley National Bank building in downtown Phoenix and was available to talk with people by appointment. Mr. Bimson thought it was well thought out and suggested I go find the pieces. Quite unexpectedly, he then went on to explain how his wife's psychic gifts and card readings had helped tremendously in his business and banking career. What a shock that conversation was... He and two brothers facilitated about 70% of the business development in the progress of Arizona's growth.
After some time of considering Carl's advice, I began my Master of Business Administration in project management in 1994 to continue the process of finding the pieces and knowing what to do with them when I did. Now, after achieving certification as a Hypnotherapist and in my second master's program, I seek to continue the plan and assemble an organizational plan, including all necessary policy development, organizational duties and responsibilities, and management philosophy that will empower the assemblage of a team of dedicated professionals to take Genesis to the next level of development. Meanwhile, we continue to develop Be The Dream (www.bethedream.org, .com, and .net), our bridge of nonprofit and for profit endeavors, as an exemplary leader on the Internet through demonstrating the concepts of the community in a microeconomic environment. In a sense we are connecting the dots of commerce, education and community through our Cultural Creative ways. Ideas and visions need to have creative outlets, which meant that I had to learn a new skill - web development. What is interesting is that I truly have no idea how these concepts will accepted, let along embraced, by the corporate and/or philanthropic community. I am just a guy with ideas and a vision.
Over the years we have done much development work and are beginning to seek out potential backers and investors for the project. My personal ethics statement applies to the intrinsic dynamic of these projects, empowering results in our quest for success. Even though I've done extensive reading on a variety of subjects dealing with the socialization processes, actualizing these endeavors is proving to be quite the challenge, necessitating reflection on my personal code of ethics regularly. Am I really cut out for this? How do I/we engage others and fulfill their needs in the participative process? It is in this process that I am able to facilitate collaborative efforts in larger groups with others who have similar or congruent ethics and are doing something in their community about sharing them? This will continue to be a great challenge and hopefully secondary priorities will become less distracting and invasive. Faith in 'doing the right thing' is imperative throughout the process. I have learned that my own concept of 'time' and fruition is often incongruent with the 'divine' timing and I am reminded of the need for humility, releasing my personal criticisms of where I 'should' be now and allowing the faith and trust in the process to resolve all concerns. It becomes more apparent as we grow older that cleaning up, clearing up, and moving on with refined moral and ethical behavior is the key to success.... everywhere.
Now, having joined with a compatible life partner, we have launched into this program together in order to 'force' ourselves to take the next steps in making our dreams reality. I moved on from education to Life Coaching as my 'next-step' in acquiring the skills necessary to help bridge inner and outer worlds in others. My partner is currently teaching gifted children in district school. We both tend to need to be in positions where we are compelled to do what is necessary because it is a requirement of the process. Some people work best that way. It seems that most successful people also follow this pattern of creating situations where they have to perform, meet deadlines and rise above the pack to achieve their dreams. Everything turns out to be a process as time goes on. Utilizing the Internet to help 'spread the word' will undoubtedly meet with mixed results. As much as I have learned and know there is much more that I do not. I feel awed and inspired by this discovery process, engaged by the thrill of the next event. I have to rely on serendipity to move this project forward, where patience is a primary factor. I'm encouraged by the personal involvement and visionary efforts of a growing number of concern planetary citizenry, addressing the basic ethical and moral decisions within the scope of service to self and service to others. My hopes are that through this Master of Arts in Organizational Management program I will find more ways to make things real, practical and pragmatic, and continue to grow personally and professionally.
About the Author: Rev. Zen Benefiel is a multi-degreed author, coach, consultant and facilitator with a passion for education and facilitating partnerships. Zen experienced a spiritual awakening in 1975, an honors student in college, complete with a very profound near death experience. He founded Be The Dream, a sole-proprietorship consulting company, in 1988 as vehicle to promote holistic understanding in business and personal achievement. Be The Dream has transformed along with its founder to become a leader in establishing a new living awareness among seekers of harmony, truth and planetary stewardship. An international presenter on holistic project planning, he has co-created a vision for a holistic model community serving at-risk youth, called Spectrum Academy (http://www.spectrumacademy.org). Zen resides in Gilbert, Arizona.

Ten Ways to Strengthen Your Reading Habit

Most people wish they read more. It is an activity that is both fun and enlightening. It can help us be more knowledgeable and successful. However, it is an activity that many people don’t engage in very much. According to the 1999 National Household Education Survey, 50% of the U.S. population aged 25 and over read a newspaper at least once a week, read one or more magazines regularly, and had read a book in the past 6 months. What does this mean? It means that 50% of the population hasn’t read a book in the last six months!
Looking at the other end of the spectrum, research shows that if you read ten books a year, you are in the top few percent of all people as readers. Simply stated, it doesn’t take much to be well read, but we do need to know how to get started. The following are ten suggestions to help you strengthen your reading habit – ways to find and make more time for reading.
1. Always have a book around. Don’t go anywhere without reading material. Keep magazines or short stories in your bathroom. Always have something in your briefcase to read. Keep a book(s) by your bed. Having things available makes it easier for you to steal otherwise lost moments.
2. Set a reading goal. Determine how much time you want to spend reading, or how many books you want to read over time. Your goal might be a book a month, one per week, or it might be to read 30 minutes a day. Start out with something attainable but still a stretch. As your habit builds, you might set higher goals. Setting a goal is the first step towards reading more.
3. Keep a log. Keep a list of the books you have read, or keep track of how much time you read each day. You might keep these lists in your journal or your day planner. My son’s log is on our refrigerator. My list and log are kept on my computer. It doesn’t matter where you keep it, just do it.
4. Keep a list. Make a list of things you want to read in the future. Ask your friends and colleagues what they are reading. Watch for recommendations in the newspaper and magazines. Once you start looking for good books, you’ll find them everywhere. This is a great way to keep your enthusiasm up. By knowing what great stuff you want to read, you will reinforce your reading habit.
5. Turn off the television. Many people say they just don’t have enough time. Television is one of our major time consumers. Make your television watching more conscious and less habitual. There is nothing wrong with watching television shows you really enjoy. Where the time gets lost is turning it on, and scanning to find “something to watch.” Those are the times to turn it off and pick up your book!
6. Listen when you can’t read. Use your commute and other time spent in the car to listen! There are great audio versions of all sorts of books. Whether you want to “read” fiction, the latest self-help or diet book, it is probably available on tape. Don’t get locked into the idea that you have to read it – listening to the book still gives you the experience, ideas, and imagination that reading a book can.
7. Join a reading group or book club. Reading groups typically meet once a month to discuss a book they have all decided to read. Committing to the group provides a bit more impetus to finish the book, and gives you a great forum for discussion and socialization around the book’s themes.
8. Visit the library or bookstore often. You have your list, right? So you’ll have some ideas of what you are looking for when you walk in. But there is more to be gained by walking through places where books reside than just to make a transaction. Take time to browse! Let your eyes find things of interest. Let serendipity happen. Browsing will feed your mental need to read, and give you plenty of new things to read.
9. Build your own strategy. Decide when reading fits your schedule. Some people read first thing in the morning, some before bed. Some decide to read as they eat their lunch. And there is more to your strategy than just timing. Make your own decisions about reading. It is ok to be reading more than one book at once. It is ok to stop reading something before you finish if it isn’t holding your interest. It is ok to skim the book, getting what you want or need, without reading every page. Determine what works best for you, develop your own beliefs and ideas—then make them work for you.
10. Drop Everything and Read. My son’s fourth grade class has DEAR (Drop Everything and Read) time. When the teacher calls for it, that’s just what they do. They read now. That is my last piece of advice for you. Do it. Just get started. Make it DEAR time. Now.
©2002, All Rights Reserved, Kevin Eikenberry. Kevin publishes Unleash Your Potential, a free weekly ezine designed to provide ideas, tools, techniques and
inspiration to enhance your professional skills. Go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/current.asp to read the current issue and subscribe. Kevin is also President of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You may contact Kevin at toll free 888.LEARNER.
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10 Tips for Resume Writers

Whether you are happily entrenched in a job, engaged in an active job search or thinking about a career change everyone who is working today needs a current updated resume even if the job you are at is your first! It is worth the time and effort to update your resume at least once or twice a year. Add more recent accomplishments to it. Keep a file of accomplishments you have removed so that you can use them if they are appropriate for a particular position you are applying for. Those who have a ready resume can immediately respond when that perfect opportunity presents itself. Here are some ideas to think about when writing that resume
1. It’s a Marketing Document – Remember your resume is your introduction to the hiring manager. Its purpose is to convince the manager that you are someone worth interviewing. Put yourself in the hiring manager’s shoes. What is that person looking for? How do you attract his/her attention?
2. Show Your Accomplishments – Every accomplishment on your resume can be written in a format: Problem, Solution, Result. Sometimes the problem is understood and doesn’t need to be stated but the solution and the result must be there. If you can quantify the result in some way that really adds to your resume.
3. Grab Their Attention Immediately – Use the top third of the first page to attract their attention. Give a summary of the achievements that makes you the ideal candidate. Depending on the job you are applying for, this might include skills that you have or even achievements in a particular skill. Use whatever works for your particular job level.
4. Customize Each Resume – It is rare that you will use exactly the same resume for two jobs. Look at the job ad and familiarize yourself with the job description. Use some of the words that they use to highlight your experience. Keep a copy of the resume and the job ad you send to each company and/or position. Be a good record keeper! You’ll want to bring the right resume to your interview.
5. Use Action Words – Your resume paints a picture of who you are. Action words make the picture more vivid and dynamic. Words such as led, delivered, achieved, slashed, transformed etc. give the hiring manager a more desirable picture of your talents.
6. Eliminate Passive Tense – Using the passive makes it sound like you didn’t do much. The active voice makes the action yours. Example: passive –“was chosen to head team that…” or active – “Led team that… “
7. Use Key words – When applying on line be sure to use words from job ad. Today most companies use software to scan resumes. If you haven’t included the words from the job ad, your resume won’t even be read!
8. Resumes Are Scanned – Some resumes especially snail mailed ones are put in a pile on the desk of the hiring manager. This person has many resumes to look at. He or she spends 15 to 20 seconds looking at yours. Make it easy for the person to scan it for the information they are looking for. Use bolding appropriately. Make the resume look attractive with lots of white space. Dense resumes discourage the reader.
9. Maximum of Two Pages – The objective of your resume is to get the interview not tell your life story. If you are recently out of school one page is fine. For people with a long career, two pages, highlighting the last 10 to 15 years, is sufficient.
10. Use Appropriate Accomplishments - Pick accomplishments that are appropriate for the job you are applying for. Show that you have had the exact experiences the company needs.
About Alvah Parker
Alvah Parker is a Practice Advisor and Career Coach as well as publisher of Parker’s Points, an email tip list and Road to Success, an ezine. To subscribe send an email to join-roadtosuccess@go.netatlantic.com
Parker works with successful attorneys who feel overwhelmed by their work and are willing to take action to create a more profitable practice and a more fulfilling life. Alvah also helps attorneys and others who want to change careers and find the work that is more meaningful and fulfilling. Alvah is found on the web at http://www.asparker.com She may also be reached at 781-598-0388
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A Powerful Presentation Technique-Story Telling

Appealing to emotions is the most powerful way to transfer learning in an information cluttered training or presentation. A compelling story woven with a lot of information in the telling with a conclusion that appeals to the emotion can permanently etch the learning in an otherwise unresponsive training or meeting fatigued audience.
Right from childhood the best learning we have had has taken place through grandma tales, or reading stories through books or stories narrated to us in schools and by friends. We remember them better than the thousands of lectures and classes we have attended.
So what are the elements of a powerful story and how does it work.
A story is woven around a situation
You need an interesting situation where the protagonist is up against seemingly insurmountable odds. The story should leave out mundane details of what our heroes dress or the chronology and focus solely on the situation he is confronted with, which throws his life out of balance. The focus should be on the emotional elements, the struggle and stratagem to overcome the adversity and how he wins in the end. Don’t we all like the prince to fight the dragon and carry away the princess and live happily ever afterwards.
The situation need not always be good against evil or win vs. lose. They could be funny, humorous, tragic, situational, or just a corporate incident. It only needs to be infused with the right emotion.
Establish the situation quickly
If it takes ages for you to come to the point, you have lost the audience. The situation must be established in the first minute. Remember you are not writing for a magazine or a blockbuster novel. You are narrating to a live audience already on the borderlines of boredom. If you do not kindle their interest immediately you would have pushed them over the edge with negative consequences.
Bring emotion into your own presentation
The story must be narrated with all emotion and drama. If you drone on in a flat monotone howsoever powerful the story might be the impact is lost. Bring variation with voice pitch, right pauses and modulation. The right pauses should make your audience hang on to every word with anticipation and excitement.
Be creative
Telling the right story to the right audience at the right moment is the key. Don’t tell a story just for variation or a little diversion. Plan your presentation and design the story creatively to drive home the message. This perhaps is the difference between an excellent trainer and an average one. The top trainers plan their stories and weave it perfectly into the presentation. The average trainers know a lot of stories and tell one whenever he feels the audience is bored without creating the desired impact. The story becomes more of a filler than a powerful tool.
The Closing
The closing is the key to create impact. If you go into lengthy explanations about the morale the impact may be lost. Leave it with a dramatic end leaving the audience to come to their own inferences. Right from a child of a few years humankind is bestowed with a brilliant and interpretative mind and they come to the right conclusions. The best way to close is with a bit of mystery or a one line explanation leaving the lessons to sink in.
Here’s an illustrative story with most of the elements described.
The Story of the Fierce Giant once upon a time in a land far away, there lived an enormous giant. He was at least ten feet tall, with a mop of red hair and a beard, and in his hand he carried a mighty axe.
Every year on the same day, at the same time, the giant would walk down from the mountains which were his home , to stand outside the castle walls, terrorizing the inhabitants.
‘Come send me your bravest man, and I will fight him,’ the giant would shout, towering over the wall and waving his axe menacingly. ‘Send me someone to fight ,or I will knock down your castle walls and kill everyone with my axe.’
And every year, the gate in the castle wall would open slowly and fearfully, and one poor, valiant soul would walk out to Face the foe and certain death.
‘Is this the best you can do?’ the giant would laugh mockingly. The poor wretch would stand, mesmerized by the enormity of the giant and the task in hand. Not one person had even managed to draw his sword, before the giant would crush him with his mighty fist, and chop them into tiny pieces with his axe.
But then one day, a young prince arrived in the town. ‘Why does everyone here look so frightened and sad?’ he asked a fellow traveler.
‘You haven't seen the giant yet,’ replied the traveler.
‘What giant?’ asked the young prince, intrigued.
The traveler told him the tale.
‘Every year, on this very day, the giant arrives and challenges our bravest to a duel. And every year, he slays them exactly where they stand. They don’t even move or draw their swords. It’s as though the giant hypnotizes them.’
‘We’ll see about that.’ Said the young prince
When the giant arrived later that day, he was waiting for him.
‘Come send me your bravest man, and I will fight him,’ the giant shouted.
‘I am here,’ said the young prince, throwing open the gate and striding out towards him.
For a moment they stood and faced each other. Although he was still a long way from him, the young prince was instantly struck by the sheer size and shocking appearance of his opponent.
But summoning up all his courage, he started to walk towards the giant, brandishing his sword, and never taking his eyes off that dreadful face with the red hair and the red beard.
Suddenly he realized that as he was walking, the giant-rather than appearing larger – actually began to shrink before his very eyes. He stopped and stared. The giant was only five feet tall.
He walked closer to him still then stopped and stared. Now the giant was only two feet tall. He continued walking until he was face to face with the giant, and each step he took , he saw the giant shrink. By now the giant was so small, that he looked up at the young prince . He was only 12 inches tall.
The young prince took his sword, and plunged it into the giant ‘s heart.
As the giant lay dying on the ground , the young prince bent down and whispered to him, ‘who are you ?’
With his dyeing breath , the giant replied, ‘My name is Fear.’
The aim of all presentation and training is to bring about change. There is no better method of creating at least the acceptance of the idea of change than a dramatic powerful story told well.
About The Author
R.G. Srinivasan is a certified trainer and consultant in training design & methodologies. He is also the author of e-books and publishes 3 blogs. Check out his blog at http://management-thoughts.blogspot.com
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How a Motivational Humorous Speaker can help Teachers Motivate Students with Humor!

Teachers have the glorious responsibility of imparting education to students. There are fewer jobs more venerable than that of a teacher, for they are entrusted with the task of molding the lives of very young people. Ideally a good teacher has a solid command over her subject of specialization. She is also equally skillful in influencing and help shaping the personality of a student. After parents it’s the teacher that makes an immeasurable contribution in the personality development and academic achievement of the student.
A committed and astute teacher uses motivation profusely. She knows a pat on the back, a smile, and a few good words in praise of hard work done by a student can go a long way in encouraging him/her to do better. Good grades are fine motivators and the A’s help, but it’s the constant motivation of the teacher that works like magic. Though it’s the responsibility of the teachers to motivate the students to excel in studies, sports, and other constructive activities many teachers do not know the fine art of motivation. Their ignorance about the nuances of motivation makes them poor motivators. Motivational humorous speakers enter the picture here. They teach the teachers about the fine art of motivation by the use of humor.
Motivational Humorous Speakers Teach about Humor
Children are the ones that laugh easily. They are not weighed down by the cares of the world yet. Just making a funny face or mimicking an animal would set them on the course of unstoppable laughter. Motivational humorous speakers know this. They know that once a teacher can make the children laugh, she can lead them like the Pied Piper. It does take a little work on learning how to make the students laugh in a class. Motivational humorous speakers may suggest telling jokes, funny stories, and how to develop a sense of humor to win the students’ confidence. Students also may be encouraged to tell jokes and relate funny incidents to participate actively in the laughter party of the class. This type of a class atmosphere would motivate even the most disinterested student to pay attention.
Motivational humorous speakers would also teach the teachers as to where to draw the line. Because too much of anything could be bad, all jokes and no study would defeat the main purpose. So lacing their teaching time with a healthy dose of humor, teachers would give their best and can expect the same from the students as well. So if you need help in the classroom with motivation and humor, hire a motivational humorous speaker today!
Doug Dvorak is the CEO of DMG Inc., a worldwide organization that assists clients with productivity training, corporate humor and workshops, as well as other aspects of sales and marketing management. Mr. Dvorak's clients are characterized as Fortune 1000 companies, small to medium businesses, civic organizations and service businesses. Mr. Dvorak has earned an international reputation for his powerful educational methods and motivational techniques, as well as his experience in all levels of business, corporate education and success training. http://www.dougdvorak.com
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Dealing with Difficult People

1. Don't get Hooked !!!
When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you feel angry, frustrated or annoyed - this is known as a Hook.
We can even become "Hooked" by the way people look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general demeanour.
If we take the bait then we are allowing the other person to control our behaviour. This can then result in an unproductive response.
We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay unhooked.
2. Don't let them get to you.
We often allow the other persons attitude to irritate or annoy us. This becomes obvious to the other person through our tone of voice and our body language. This only fuels a difficult situation.
When dealing with difficult people, stay out of it emotionally and concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively. People may make disparaging and emotional remarks - don't rise to the bait!
3. Listen - listen - listen
Look and sound like you're listening. - When face-to-face you need to look interested, nod your head and keep good eye contact. Over the 'phone - you need to make the occasional "Uh Hu - I See"
If the other person senses that you care and that you're interested in their problem, then they're likely to become more reasonable.
4. Get all the facts - write them down.
Repeat back (paraphrase) the problem to ensure your understanding and to let the other person know that you are listening.
5. Use names
A persons name is one of the warmest sounds they hear. It says that you have recognised them as an individual. It is important not to overdo it as it may come across as patronising to the other person. Make sure they know your name and that you'll take ownership for the problem.
6. DON'T blame someone or something else.
7. Watch out for people's egos
" Don't interrupt
" Don't argue
" Don't jump in with solutions
" Allow them to let off steam
" Don't say, "Calm down".
8. See it from the other person's point of view
Too often we think the "difficult" person is making too much fuss. We think - "What's the big deal; I'll fix it right away". It is a big deal for the other person and they want you to appreciate it.
You don't necessarily need to agree with the person however you accept the fact that it's a problem for them.
9. Be very aware of your body language and tone of voice
We often exacerbate a situation without realising it. Our tone of voice and our body language can often contradict what we're saying. We may be saying sorry however our tone and our body language may be communicating our frustration and annoyance. People listen with their eyes and will set greater credence on how you say something rather than what you say.
It's also important to use a warm tone of voice when dealing with a difficult situation. This doesn't mean being "nicey- nicey" or behaving in a non-assertive manner.
10. Words to avoid
There are certain trigger words that can cause people to become more difficult especially in emotionally charged situations. These include:
"You have to" -
"But" -
"I want you to" -
"I need you to" -
"It's company policy" -
"I can't or You can't" -
"Jargon" or "Buzz" words -
"Sorry" -
"I'll try" -
11. Stop saying Sorry
Sorry is an overused word, everyone says it when something goes wrong and it has lost its value.
How often have you heard - "Sorry 'bout that, give me the details and I'll sort this out for you." Far better to say - "I apologise for …."
And if you really need to use the "sorry" word, make sure to include it as part of a full sentence. "I'm sorry you haven't received that information as promised Mr Smith." (Again, it's good practise to use the person's name).
There are other things you can say instead of sorry -
12. Empathise
The important thing to realise when dealing with a difficult person is to:
Deal with their feelings - then deal with their problem.
Using empathy is an effective way to deal with a person's feelings. Empathy isn't about agreement, only acceptance of what the person is saying and feeling. Basically the message is - "I understand how you feel."
Obviously this has to be a genuine response, the person will realise if you're insincere and they'll feel patronised.
Examples of an empathy response would be - "I can understand that you're angry," or "I see what you mean." Again, these responses need to be genuine.
13. Build Rapport
Sometimes it's useful to add another phrase to the empathy response, including yourself in the picture. - "I can understand how you feel, I don't like it either when that happens to me" This has the effect of getting on the other persons side and builds rapport.
Some people get concerned when using this response, as they believe it'll lead to "Well why don't you do something about it then." The majority of people won't respond this way if they realise that you are a reasonable and caring person. If they do, then continue empathising and tell the person what you'll do about the situation.
14. Under promise - over deliver
Whatever you say to resolve a situation, don't make a rod for your own back. We are often tempted in a difficult situation to make promises that are difficult to keep. We say things like - "I'll get this sorted this afternoon and phone you back." It may be difficult to get it sorted "this afternoon". Far better to say - "I'll get this sorted by tomorrow lunchtime." Then phone them back that afternoon or early the next morning and they'll think you're great.
You don't win them all
Remember, everyone gets a little mad from time to time, and you won't always be able to placate everyone, - there's no magic formula. However, the majority of people in this world are reasonable people and if you treat them as such, then they're more likely to respond in a positive manner.
Some more thoughts
These notes are primarily designed to help deal with difficult people when we have made a mistake. We often have to deal with other people where we have not made a mistake however the people we're dealing with often prove to be difficult and unwilling to accept what we say.
We therefore need to demonstrate assertive behaviour that helps us communicate clearly and confidently our needs, wants and feelings to other people without abusing in any way their human rights.
Some books to read
A Woman in Your Own Right - Anne Dickson
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway - Susan Jeffers
Irresistibility - Philippa Davis
Why Men don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps - Allan & Barbara Pease
Alan Fairweather is the author of four ebooks in the "How to get More Sales" series. Lots of practical actions you can take to build your business and motivate your team.- http://www.howtogetmoresales.com
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